Foreigners

I live in Shanghai with 24 million other people. I don't speak the language or share many cultural traits with the vast majority of them. It's amazing how "alone" one can feel adrift in a sea of people. I walk almost everywhere, and usually I am pretty tuned out, just focusing on getting to my destination, on managing the kids in the stroller that is too big for the sidewalks here, avoiding the gawks and stares and even photos at such a tall woman and her two (TWO!) blonde blue-eyed babies. But lately I've been trying to find the beauty in my surroundings and feel a sense of delight, perhaps even serenity, in this buzzing urban jungle. To this end, today I admired this little Russian church that I pass almost daily. I think it's beautiful, and standing in such sharp contrast to the buildings surrounding it, it reminds me that I'm not the only foreign one in this place.

Russian Orthodox Mission Church, with our apartment building peeking through behind

One Year

One year ago today, with a sleeping infant, 13 pieces of luggage, and a mixture of trepidation and adventure, we stepped off a plane and into China. 

I wish I had something really profound to say about this milestone, but it kind of snuck up on us.  It's hard for me to believe we've already been residents of Shanghai for a year, as I still feel like a newbie in so many ways. Yet as I go about my daily routines, I am realizing how much we've normalized so many experiences that were strange and uncomfortable a year ago. I have many days that I distinctly feel like a visitor here, clearly a foreigner in a foreign land. But I do think we are slowly carving our own little niche in this city. 

The first year was mostly about hanging on for dear life as we were thrust onto the wild rides of new (foreign) city, parenthood, and crazy consulting hours. Now I feel like we can take a deep breath, collect ourselves, and begin a second year of more intentional living, deeper discovery, and greater connectedness -- with China and as a family.

With one whirlwind year under our belt, I'm really looking forward to the journey ahead.

Summer Break

Whoops, I just took a two-month sabbatical from blogging. I'll call it my "summer break", since that sounds somewhat more official and intentional...

Since my last post, we travelled back to the US, visiting friends in New York and family in Colorado and the shopping paradise that is Target. TJ celebrated her first birthday by outgrowing two sizes of clothes and many pairs of shoes in the span of a month. Matt has been working on the road like crazy, facilitating workshops in Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, and the Philippines. And between this kid who grows too fast, man who works too much, a frustrating house hunt for our next apartment, and a computer changeover (the old one is dying a long and painful death, hence the dearth of blogging and FB photos over the past few months), Val has just been trying to remain sane.

Hopefully I will get back into the blogging groove and more updates will be on their way. In the meantime, here are some photos from our wonderful time with family.


Tyler's first birthday party

back on our old corner in the Village, NYC

with (Great!) Uncles Dennis & Dan in Central Park

4 generations!



cousins go swimming



cousins!

all of the Williams siblings: whole, half, step, and in-law

with "Auntie" Sarah, who we got to see in NY and Colorado!



with Grammy and Big Kahuna

girls' retreat in Glenwood Springs (with both Grandmas, an Aunt, and the girl cousins)

What I'm Not Missing

There’s an online forum here called Shanghai Mamas, which is an awesome resource for foreign parents in Shanghai.  Much of the chat activity centers around people wondering where to find things: the best preschools, familiar cereals, craft supplies, a cleaning lady, imported medicine, organic vegetables, western-style furniture, clothes/shoes that fit women over five feet tall.  Many of the chats also lament the myriad frustrations of living here.

Yesterday, one member started a different type of thread, called What I’m Not Missing, with a post about how her friends back home were complaining about ticks, a problem she had happily forgotten about.  Soon comments were pouring in from other members, reminding us all that our home countries aren’t idyllic either and in many ways Shanghai (and China more broadly) can actually boast of having the advantage. 

So, with inspiration from my fellow Shanghai Mamas, here’s my own personal list of what I’m not missing:

·      television commercials

·      the barrage of ads, solicitors, and news stories related to the upcoming election

·      doom-and-gloom news media, and a consequently pessimistic public

·      expensive taxi rides

·      dirty, smelly, dingy subways

·      driving everywhere, and maintaining a car (gas, oil changes, insurance)*

·      the temptation of fast food

·      getting sucked into bad TV, especially the multitude of mind-numbing reality shows

·      scrubbing my bathroom

·      my binding cell phone contract and outrageous cell phone bills

·      taxes added to my bill at a store

·      tips added to my bill at a restaurant

·      parking lots

·      conformity

·      only being able to fantasize about affordable tropical vacations, interesting cultural excursions, and exotic travel destinations

·      celebrity gossip

·      paying exorbitant rent for a teeny tiny apartment

·      my job, or even having to work outside of our home

·      everyone with headphones in and eyes averted

·      the wail of sirens

·      obesity as a national crisis, concern, or even conversation topic

·      the question “what do you do for a living?”

·      paying more than $10 for a haircut or a DVD box set

·      commuting to my workout

·      the expectation of tips from anyone who does anything for me

·      predictability

Of course there are a few things from home that I’ll always miss.  First and foremost, our family and friends.  The fresh, crisp mountain air.  And Target, I’ll always miss Target.

-----

* this was near the top of the list for all of the American moms who went from suburbia to 

city living here, and it makes me grateful that I’ve never owned a car in my “adult” life!

One Year Ago

One year ago, Matt and I made our maiden voyage to Shanghai, spending 10 days exploring the city that has now become our home.

Things were a little different then.  For starters, there were only two of us, plus a little bump.  Over a fancy dinner at one of Shanghai's most famous restaurants, we opened an envelope with an ultrasound photo that revealed the little bump's gender.  Instantly, our “peanut” became a baby girl, and we knew we'd call her Tyler Julianne.

ah, the innocence of childless Shanghai newbies...

Our initial impressions of Shanghai were also quite different than the reality of our settled-in life here.

We spent most of our time up on Nanjing Road, the major shopping pedestrian street, and the Bund, which is the row of fancy old European-style buildings along the river.  Since living in Shanghai, I think we’ve visited each of those places twice.

When we left our hotel, we had the concierge translate all details of our travel so that we could simply hand the taxi driver a card of Chinese characters and sheepishly shrug to communicate that we didn’t speak his language or know where we were going.  Now both Matt and I can direct a taxi back to our apartment from pretty much anywhere in the city, using our newly-acquired navigation and Mandarin skills.

During our initial explorations, we were continually impressed by the complex urban highway system and elevated pedestrian sidewalks.  We never thought about the feat of heaving a baby-filled stroller up and down giant staircases just to cross the street.  

because painting crosswalk stripes is too easy?

We saw many many apartment complexes on that trip.  Since living here, though, I’ve realized we only visited the very tip of the iceberg.  I guess there’s bound to be more than a week’s worth of buildings to explore in a city of 24 million people.

I am a big water drinker.  For the life of me, I could not figure out how to order a simple glass of cold, clean water.  Either I'd wind up with ridiculously expensive bottles of Evian, or more often, glasses of steaming hot plain water.  A year later, I do know how to order one (yi bei bing shui), but I find myself preferring the Chinese drink of choice -- hot tea -- and if I want something cool and refreshing, I go for watermelon juice.

I remember walking into City Shop, the original westernized grocery store, and thinking that it was my best (only?) option for grocery shopping.  But now I’ve happily discovered many more shops that are closer/cheaper/fresher/better.  Okay, so it takes me four stores to fulfill my grocery list, but at least I have choices beyond what I originally thought.

On that trip last year, Matt had to go meet a couple of business contacts, and I was too scared to leave the hotel by myself.  Now, of course, I venture out daily, with a baby strapped to my chest no less!

Back then, we fell in love with fresh-squeezed juice stands, where you point to the fruit and it gets juiced & blended right in front of your very eyes, and for only about a dollar (US).  This is still one of my favorite things about living here.

my favorite, pineapple + dragonfruit

At least something is still how we first imagined it.

Fabric Market: Adventures in Shopping

Yesterday, TJ and I headed down to the fabric market.  My main objective of this trip wasn’t to capture photos or stories; it was to collect the clothes that I had commissioned for our upcoming Hawaiian vacation.  However, I did manage to snap a few pictures to share this experience with you.

The fabric market was not in its finest form yesterday, as both vendors and customers are already disappearing for the Chinese New Year holidays.  To give you a sense of the madness, though, I’ll share this little anecdote: I took my friend and super-shopper Sarah to the market, and 30 minutes later she was looking for the exit.  Knowing that I tend to develop heart palpitations after five minutes in a mall, Sarah was in disbelief that I enjoyed "shopping" here.  What can I say, I’m settling in I guess!

The market consists of six floors, each housing maybe one hundred little stalls arranged in an illogical maze-like pattern.  Stalls tend to specialize in a fabric or style.  Some simply sell bolts of fabric wholesale, supplying the tailors with a wider selection than each vendor could possibly carry independently.  Some sell premade scarves, belts, gloves, and other accessories.  Some are proper tailors who custom-sew men’s suits or shirts to order.  Some copy western fashions, from outerwear (leather or cashmere coats) to ladies’ fashions such as Mad Men inspired dresses, prom-like ensembles, and an array of blouses and cardigans.  It tends to run the gamut from current fashions to terribly ugly and out-of-date oddities, with some Chinese styles thrown in for good measure.  Generally, they can recreate their own samples, produce a nearly perfect replica of any item you bring in, or work from a photo you supply from the internet or a magazine.  On the upper floors there are specialty shops dedicated to zippers, buttons, and other detailing, so that you can theoretically pick out your trims, find your fabric, and then take it all to a third shop where the tailor will create your unique piece.  The prices are cheap (<$15 for custom fit men's dress shirt) and everything is negotiable, making the fabric market the perfect place for me to practice my haggling skills in Mandarin.  Mini-lesson of the day: tai gui le = “too expensive!”

endless fabric options

fabric for dress shirts

the scarf shops remind me of the street-corner stands in NYC

suits galore

hideous "western" fashions are instant time-travel

Chinese silks, Chinese styles

The whole experience sounds ridiculous for one simple piece of clothing: choose a stall, design an item, pick fabrics and closures, have measurements taken, negotiate the price, return a week later, check fit and quality, final measurements and negotiations, and walk away with your new clothes.  For a person who detests shopping, I’m really not sure how this has become appealing to me.  I think perhaps it’s because the fabric market makes shopping a big adventure, an exploration of a Chinese subculture that is both seedy and extravagant at the same time.  And the one-of-a-kind, perfectly fitting, and reasonably priced pieces I now have are little pearls harvested after much patience and persistence.  You can see my gray cashmere winter coat that has been keeping out the Shanghai chill here.  Stay tuned for a post-Hawaii blog post to witness more fabric market creations!

Merry Christmas, Part II

Matt did a great job presenting the oddities of Shanghai-style Christmas.  But as much as we enjoyed laughing over the silly miscues of the Chinese attempting to adopt Western holiday traditions, it only served to remind us that we were not at “home”.  The absence of snow, our families, and a work holiday made it tough for us to embrace the Christmas spirit.

Luckily, a visit from Sarah (Val’s best friend from NYC) gave us a reason to celebrate and decorate.  New stockings (handmade by Matt’s mom) meant the beginning of some new family traditions.  We found a place in Shanghai (the Ritz) that actually did justice to a real Western Christmas Tree.  And our own little potted tree wasn’t so shabby once it was trimmed and surrounded by presents.

(photos courtesy of Sarah)

the Ritz Carlton beauty

our own tree, with presents (including a suitcase-full from Sarah!)

Christmas morning with Santa's present

A toast to Friday

Friday!  Yes, even stay-at-home-parents experience the "TGIF feeling," because for most of us, this provides the hope that we'll convince our partners to enjoy some child-bonding time while we do laundry  shave our legs  read a book  sleep!  In anticipation of a relaxing two-parent weekend, we begin a Friday of celebration.

This past Friday, Tyler and I attended a massive playgroup.  The weather in Shanghai has recently taken a turn towards the bearable, so the usual small indoors playgroup moved outside to a local park and became a massive swarm of babies, blankets, toys, and over-eager moms with cameras.
  

Want to create chaos in China?  Gather 20 babies in a public park.

I wish this photo captured the uniquely “Chinese” element of old men standing right at the edge of our group, pointing and gawking as they chain-smoke cigarettes.  Because obviously, the best place to puff clouds of carcinogens is right over the innocent crowd of babies with developing lungs.  Several of the mommies either were Chinese or fluent in Mandarin, and yet nothing they said could convince these men that they were not welcome to join us.  But I digress…

After the babies' playgroup, we attended mamas’ playgroup in a friend’s apartment courtyard.  It was similar to our previous engagement, with one distinct addition: wine!

Cheers to a bottle that's meant for adults!

Above you see yours truly; Jade, the New Yorker who owns a spa back in San Fran; Victoria, the English woman married to a Portuguese man who has spent the past eight years in Egypt; and Nishtha, who had been a professional in Shanghai for six years until she gave birth to her one-year-old son.  It’s intriguing to me how we’ve all arrived at this place – parenting in Shanghai – with such different reasons, backgrounds, experiences, and emotions.  So we toast to a world that somehow becomes both bigger and smaller with each new friend we meet.  And, of course, we toast to Friday.

The Beginning

My first blog post from China . . . and it isn’t going to be about China at all.  Instead, to introduce this blog, I thought I’d tell the story that answers the question we’ve been asked by our family, by peers, by strangers in New York, and even by new friends we’re meeting here in Shanghai:

Why move to China?

I feel like this question can be broken into why move at all? and why someplace so foreign?  And these questions begin with a simple premise, why travel?  So I'll begin at the beginning...

Neither Matt nor I grew up as travelers.  I think Matt would agree with my childhood idea of a "vacation" as either camping in the Rockies or visiting the grandparents.  This meant that we truly appreciated the few special trips we did get to take.  I can still recall every experience from the week my parents took me to Boston, and Matt will never forget his first hotel stay.  Our only foreign experiences before meeting each other took me to Canada and Matt to a resort in Mexico.  We were travel novices when we met.

Matt and I first traveled together for my 21^st birthday.  He surprised me with a weekend trip to Napa Valley, including a plane flight, bed & breakfast, and wine tours.  It was by far the most extravagant and adventurous thing I had ever done.  While it wasn’t a long flight or extended stay, that trip still taught us that we were compatible travel partners, and it gave us a brief glimpse of life spent exploring new places.

oh so young in Napa

Then Matt graduated from college, and when his mother asked what he might want for a graduation gift, he somehow came up with the idea that he wanted to travel to Europe.  Next thing I knew, I was being roped into this adventure as well.  My parents bought us backpacks, we stuffed them with snickers, film (yes, film!), a month-long train pass, and a rotation of 4 outfits, and we were off!  We spent a month trekking through England, France, Spain, and Italy, and we had an absolute blast.  Every day brought a brand new assault on our senses.  Even getting lost provided hours of entertainment and discovery.  We naturally fell into a rhythm of life on the foreign road; Matt mastered the currency conversions and map-reading while I thumbed through our guidebooks and translated the languages.  The travel bug had bit in a big way.

on the steps of Sacre Coeur Basilica in Paris

 Luckily, Matt was about to embark on a year of study in Amsterdam.  Not wanting to be left out, I graduated early and headed over to the Netherlands to join him at the midpoint.  We got our first taste of living abroad, and it was delicious (like mussels, cheese, and good beer – mmm).  Even though we were in a studio apartment with a hallway that doubled as a kitchen and a shower that took up the whole bathroom, we loved how simple daily acts are made so much more interesting when done in a foreign way.  Riding the bus, buying groceries, even bicycling our laundry half a mile through the snow . . . somehow it was all so romantic in Amsterdam.  Due to the surprisingly small size of Europe, our flexible schedules as student & nanny, and an austere budget, we got to explore all over the Netherlands, Belgium, and Germany, as well as head back to Paris for a second tour.  Unfortunately, we were beginning to discover that the more places we visited, the more we added to the list of places we wanted to go.

Rotterdam (Netherlands) dock tour; it was freezing!

 

We began brainstorming foreign adventures that we’d love to take if only given the time and money.  Then we actually started saving for trips, and planning out how to take advantage of the time off granted to teachers and Matt’s precious vacation days.  An extra-long spring break became a tour of Scandinavia.  A business trip to London became an opportunity to spend a long weekend in Dublin.  A friend’s wedding in St. John turned into a weeklong shared villa and snorkeling with sea turtles.

Guinness mustache in rainy Dublin

King Matt of Denmark

enjoying a catamaran tour in the Virgin Islands

As much as we enjoyed these short vacations, we lamented that they were just that – vacations.  We looked back fondly at our time spent living in Amsterdam, and agreed that we would love to live abroad again if the opportunity presented itself.

Then Matt got a call from a colleague who told him about an assignment his company was posting in Dhaka, and was it okay if she recommended him for it?  And somehow the next thing we knew, Matt was on his way around the world to spend 6 wild months traversing rural Bangladesh.  I got to join him for a week early on, and then his final two months there.  If Amsterdam was our friendly introduction to the living abroad experience, Dhaka was our merciless initiation.  Yet despite the daily power outages, harassment from strangers, and constant stench of human waste, we still walked away from that experience with the attitude that we couldn’t wait to live abroad again.  

[On the right of this blog, 

you can find a link to our adventures in Bangladesh.]

Two big Americans, one small rickshaw in Dhaka

Visiting a Royal Palace in Bangkok

While living in Bangladesh, we traveled to Thailand and Malaysia as well.  Upon his return to New York, Matt got a job that sent him all over the world, including Milan, Prague, Peru, Turkey, Israel, Singapore, and Beijing.  But the more global his job became, the more he noticed a distinct focus on China as the major emerging market.  And so he began regaling me with news articles and random statistics and work projects that somehow all led to one conclusion: we should move to China.  With my blessing, he called an old contact, applied for a job, and with a huge leap of faith (including quitting our jobs, having a baby, and planning this move all at the same time), here we are!

If you’re still reading, BRAVO, thanks for humoring me as I ventured down memory lane, and welcome to our blog.